NHL Cancels $400 Million Deal With Woke Nike: “Our Fans Have Spoken”

The NHL has finally wised up and taken the side of its own fans. Unlike the NBA, NFL, and NASCAR, all of which decided to go woke, the NHL decided to stick to its roots and respect the bread and butter.

The League canceled its $400 million deal with Nike after polling fans across two countries.
“We’re not going the way of Bud Light, Target, or the NFL,” said League Commissioner Joe Barron, “we intend to cater to our fanbase, and our fanbase doesn’t want Nike.”

Nike Spokesperson Sandy Batt said the company understands the league’s position, then immediately labeled the action “inherently divisive and disrespectful to the LGBTQ+ community.”

Barron says the NHL will either go back to Adidas or move on to another name brand. “Anything that isn’t woke,” he said, “that fad should be ending sometime in the next two to three years.”

Nike is still reeling from Michael Jordan’s departure recently, after the long-time board member and patent-holder of the Nike Air anti-gravity secrets ended his partnership and moved on. “I just can’t,” he said at the time to a source who may or may not actually exist, “we have different values.”

Nike stock is down 84 on the blue-chip and 41 with 620 in Tokyo. “Those numbers are unsustainable,” said a guy standing in the rain watching on a tv in a department store window, “they’re ruining what I built.”

The man walked away, shaking his head, wondering why the paragraph was necessary at all. God Bless America.

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