Anheuser Busch Will Discontinue and Re-Brand Bud Light

For decades, Bud Light dominated the American beer market. Through clever marketing campaigns targeting a profitable demographic, the brand was number one both at the bar and in retail stores.

With the onslaught of craft brews and IPAs, however, watered-down American lagers became less and less desirable to beer drinkers. In response, Bud Light looked to seek new customers outside of its typical base.

Less than a month later, the brand is on its way to the scrapyard. Anheuser Busch admits that the Dylan Mulvaney partnership was a horrible idea that irreparably harmed the iconic beer and will discontinue it when the current production run ends.

CEO Jow Barron says it’s a necessary switch and that he looks forward to working with marketing directors suggested by Kid Rock to relaunch the all-new “Bud Zero.”

Bus zero will offer zero carbs, zero sugars, zero calories, and in keeping in tradition with Budweiser products, zero flavor. “The morons complaining that their pisswater is gay will love it,” said Mulvaney, “I’m personally moving on to Snapple.”

Snapple stock plummeted more than .06 points at the news, giving conservatives something new they don’t understand to laugh at. God Bless you, Snapple. And God Bless America.

Related Posts

He was in his cell, waiting to be executed, and he asked as a last…See more

In the United States, at least 79 minors under the age of 14 are serving life sentences without the possibility of parole—a harsh reality that has sparked…

The Surprising Meaning Behind Wearing a Ring on Your Thumb

Rings have always held meaning beyond decoration. Across history and cultures, they’ve symbolized everything from love and loyalty to power and spiritual beliefs. While most people recognize…

Trump & Vance Take Aim at NYC Mayor Case — What They Just Uncovered Has Everyone Talking

Donald Trump and Senator J.D. Vance are zeroing in on an explosive case surrounding New York City’s mayor—and their latest legal strategy has left insiders stunned.At the…

My Husband Wanted to Date Other People

Relationships are complex, and when fear and unmet needs go unspoken, even love can lead us into unfamiliar territory. One woman learned this the hard way when…

5 Missing Band Members Found Dead Near Texas-Mexico Border

According to Tamaulipas state prosecutors, the five men were kidnapped at about 10 p.m. Sunday (May 25) while en route to a gig in an SUV. Authorities…

Mom of twins with Down syndrome shuts down critics

While the chances of giving birth to twins increased 72 percent between 1980 and 2018, it’s still pretty rare. About 33 out of every 1,000 births are…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *