Hey, beer lovers. Have you heard the latest news? Now you can get sloshed and save a few pennies at the same time with Bud Light.
That’s right, America’s premiere light malted beverage is now, for a limited time only, on sale at your local Walmart and supermarket for less than five dollars a case. You heard us. Less than five dollars for 24 cans of sweet relaxo-juice.
The reason behind the temporary sale is evident. Some few weeks ago, Bud Light chose a transgender activist, Dylan Mulvaney, to advertise for the drink. The backlash from America’s contingent of old, frail, incontinent douchetards was real – and devastating.
Branding expert Joe Barron explained the move by Budweiser in a hastily called press conference in front of a Dave & Buster’s store in New York.
“So, as an apology to the fruitcakes who decided to ‘shoot up’ and boycott our beer, we’re basically giving it away now, until mid-May. We never realized that these dumb bigoted morons like Kid Rock would explode in their panties from it. The beer hasn’t changed, you dickheads. Get a grip.”
Barron was then hit in the forehead by an errant foosball and rushed to a local hospital where he is in critical condition.
Bud light is still, regardless of anything else, a shitty beer anyway, and should be avoided in favor of Canada’s own Molson or Labatts.