Talladega “Pride Day” Sets Record for Lowest Attendance in Track History

Yet another milestone for the failing enterprise that is “Pride.” For a while, it was mainstream. Then the boycotts started. Now during the month that is supposed to celebrate the movement, “Pride” is a disastrous flop.

The proof is in the pudding, as some would say. Already, the NHL has canceled Pride Nights. Major League Baseball players are refusing to play and could shut the season down.

And now, in another dramatic display of horrible marketing, the Talladega Speedway just set the all-time record for lowest attendance in track history, on “Pride Day.”

“I think it was still fun,” said track supervisor Steve Ashbaucher, who is also half-gay, “but I don’t think we should do it again. It probably cost the owners half a mill or more to run a race with no fans in the stands.”

An official for the Talladega Speedway refused to comment, assuring us that the event didn’t harm the track or the sport.

“I’m sure there won’t be any blowback,” said Track Owner Joe Barron, “because it didn’t actually happen.” Barron pointed out that stories such as these often just occur spontaneously within the confines of the neural circuitry of a guy named Flaggt.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Shame on you, Talladega! And as always, patriots, God Bless America.

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