For more than six decades, Budweiser, the King of Beers, has been the number one beer in America. This morning, for the first time since they started keeping track, the iconic brand fell not just out of first, but nearly off the top ten.
“Bud and Bud Light fell to the 10th best-selling brand in the country this morning,” said Malt Beverage Union Workers President Joe Barron, “we’re a little bit concerned that we’ll start seeing job losses.:
Anheuser Busch was purchased by the Pabst Corporation DBA InBev way back in 2009, but it still held its spot as the top-selling alcoholic beverage in the country. “Budweiser is an American tradition and to see it fall so far so fast i8s just sad,” said Barron, “I don’t know what will happen to the more than 70K workers who rely on the alcoholism of 20 million Americans to survive.”
Bud says it has plans to open several rehab facilities while the company restructures to aid its best customers through what can only be described as a “nightmare scenario.”
“Imagine it’s you,” said Barron, “and you have no choice but to either give up the one thing that allows you to escape or face the fact that your mom froze to the ground in a drunken stupor and you still haven’t properly dealt with your father’s death in going on two years.”
Those scenarios seem unlikely, but you never can tell, can you? God Bless America.